How do you go about meeting people? What is your reaction when you feel happy and integrated? Why do you sometimes feel that something is missing though as far as you can think, you’ve got everything you need?
I have now the chance to take a look at how I automatically parameterize my behaviour. We develop patterns because it makes it easier for us, reacting in the same way to an already integrated stimulus. They say there are three types of reactions to a critical situation: fight, flight or freeze. I always thought I was the fighter, the going after what she wants. Every single day in Bali, I am sitting at the table, riding the scooter, swimming with… you got it: the flighter, the runner, the not-facing-difficulties-er. And I still don’t want to look him into the eyes and acknowledge that this is who I’ve embraced to become: a postpone-er, a put-it-off-er, a not-leaving-people-complete-er.
I wish I could be more specific about this part. The only thing I can share is this: take a look at the people you meet during your travels. What are their stories? Who do they resemble? What kind of situations do you find yourself trapped into? Don’t be tormented by questions. Try to be a non-judgemental observer of what traveling alone brings to surface.
It comes as a relief when I have a motorbike accident on Nusa Lembongan. I’ve just stopped to take a picture of a cemetery. It’s hilarious: each tombstone has a colorful umbrella. The dead are dead. Who cares if they are wet or perishing under the heavy sun? As I was having this reverie, I land flat-faced on the soil. Watch your thoughts and the tiny accidents as they happen. I took it this way: I am not that open to other beliefs as you thought. Also, I was in need of massive attention and care. Usually, when you’re have an accident, people stop, take care of you and pour attention into you. That’s what my ego was after at that point.